Monday, January 12, 2015
The Trouble With Girls
Have you ever had one of those moments when someone you absolutely adore tells you something wonderful in the sweetest, most kind way, and it feels like a punch in the gut?
Let me elaborate.
It's like when someone loses weight and looks amazing, or tells me they're pregnant. I'm so happy for them. Truly. And it baffles me how I can feel like the wind is being knocked out of me because something so good happening for them.
It's so confusing, right? Why does this happen? Why do I take other peoples' successes personally? Suddenly, they have this thing that I want so badly for myself happening for them, and maybe they didn't even try for it- or maybe they did-, and it just grinds on me in a way that it shouldn't.
Jealousy isn't an attractive thing, or a sweet thing, or a trait I want to have. And as comparison has been one of my greatest character flaws, it's only natural to have jealousy tagging along. But I would never actually admit to anyone that I felt this way (and all of a sudden this blog post is becoming extremely ironic and I'm questioning whether I'll even post it). Oh, no! I should definitely stifle the fact that I have any type of negative feelings where they are completely unwarranted, because a good friend and a sweet person does not ever have a hard time accepting that someone else is making what I had hoped for their reality. Right??
And then it goes back to that whole thing about opening my eyes and looking at all the amazing, huge blessings right in front of me. They are not lost on me, I assure you. This isn't a disclaimer, it's a truth I look in the face all day, every day (and its name is Milo/Trevor). I have an incredibly happy life and all the love I could ever ask for- and all this makes me feel all the more rotten for being envious.
I absolutely LOVE this talk by the always wise Jeffrey R. Holland:
And there it is. Makes so much sense in the correct light, doesn't it? And I would be heartbroken if my friends stopped sharing their happy news with me, because it brings me so much joy to see all the good happening for others and sharing in the love.
So there's my two cents on the matter. Here's to doing a little better each time I'm tempted by envy.