On Being Milo's Momma

Currently, I'm {obviously taking a break from} working from home on my couch with a sleeping baby on my chest. If this isn't the life, I don't know what is!

I wanted to make sure I documented my thoughts on my first impressions of motherhood over the last 12 days. I don't want to forget a thing! And, I know my days of having a newborn who sleeps and cuddles most of the day are limited, so I better write this while I'm still living that blissful life!

In the hospital, I had a few moments where I broke down because I was so overwhelmed with how much I love this little boy. We tried for him for a long time, then I finally got pregnant. Then I puked every day for 9 months, not exaggerating. It was hard, to say the least. I was afraid that I would eventually start taking the fact that I was pregnant for granted, or feel dumb for being so emotional when I was dealing with infertility issues. SO not the case. Milo was worth every tear and every heartbreaking month of waiting. He was also worth every night of being sick. Not one ounce of me feels like maybe I should have been more careful what I wished for. I wanted this sweet baby, and he is here, and I couldn't be happier.

Another thought I had at the hospital was that I'm really glad I have years of childbearing ahead. I don't know if fertility will be an issue again, but even if it is, we have options. I know it will get crazy as we add siblings, but there is nothing that has ever made me as happy as being a mom.

I've been trying to figure out what to equate this feeling to. I thought I was done feeling the magical excitement of new things in life- yes, anyone who knows me well knows that I get pretty giddy about things. But nothing quite compares to the first trip to Disneyland when you're 5, or the night before Christmas when you're little. Or so I thought. Having a tiny newborn baby has felt like all of those exciting childhood memories of firsts and nights in anticipation all mixed together and multiplied by a million. 

I won't pretend like I haven't had exasperated moments. Staying awake all night from 12-7 a.m. was not Milo's most shining moment, and I know that was far from our last sleepless night. And transitioning from having no kids except for the one you're pregnant with to being a momma in a number of hours is a big change to wrap your head around. But I think all the waiting, all the sickness, and all the longing for this little one gave me some extra time and the push I needed to embrace and desire a life defined by naps, milk, laundry, doctor's appointments, and diapers. Yes- milk is getting on everything. Yes- I have been peed on multiple times. Yes- whatever abs I had before may be lost and gone forever. Yes- Milo and I are semi-nocturnal.

And yes- I'm completely in love.