On Being Milo's Momma

Currently, I'm {obviously taking a break from} working from home on my couch with a sleeping baby on my chest. If this isn't the life, I don't know what is!

I wanted to make sure I documented my thoughts on my first impressions of motherhood over the last 12 days. I don't want to forget a thing! And, I know my days of having a newborn who sleeps and cuddles most of the day are limited, so I better write this while I'm still living that blissful life!

In the hospital, I had a few moments where I broke down because I was so overwhelmed with how much I love this little boy. We tried for him for a long time, then I finally got pregnant. Then I puked every day for 9 months, not exaggerating. It was hard, to say the least. I was afraid that I would eventually start taking the fact that I was pregnant for granted, or feel dumb for being so emotional when I was dealing with infertility issues. SO not the case. Milo was worth every tear and every heartbreaking month of waiting. He was also worth every night of being sick. Not one ounce of me feels like maybe I should have been more careful what I wished for. I wanted this sweet baby, and he is here, and I couldn't be happier.

Another thought I had at the hospital was that I'm really glad I have years of childbearing ahead. I don't know if fertility will be an issue again, but even if it is, we have options. I know it will get crazy as we add siblings, but there is nothing that has ever made me as happy as being a mom.

I've been trying to figure out what to equate this feeling to. I thought I was done feeling the magical excitement of new things in life- yes, anyone who knows me well knows that I get pretty giddy about things. But nothing quite compares to the first trip to Disneyland when you're 5, or the night before Christmas when you're little. Or so I thought. Having a tiny newborn baby has felt like all of those exciting childhood memories of firsts and nights in anticipation all mixed together and multiplied by a million. 

I won't pretend like I haven't had exasperated moments. Staying awake all night from 12-7 a.m. was not Milo's most shining moment, and I know that was far from our last sleepless night. And transitioning from having no kids except for the one you're pregnant with to being a momma in a number of hours is a big change to wrap your head around. But I think all the waiting, all the sickness, and all the longing for this little one gave me some extra time and the push I needed to embrace and desire a life defined by naps, milk, laundry, doctor's appointments, and diapers. Yes- milk is getting on everything. Yes- I have been peed on multiple times. Yes- whatever abs I had before may be lost and gone forever. Yes- Milo and I are semi-nocturnal.

And yes- I'm completely in love.

When Milo Came to Town

A birth story with more details and pictures than you ever cared to know (because I don't want to ever forget)!

Thursday afternoon (March 14), I had a doctor's appointment.

After almost 2 weeks of constant, close contractions, I was SURE I would be dilated more than a 3.

When they checked me, they said I was still a "small 3." 

I cried when I got home. Everything hurt from being in labor for 2 weeks and I was aching to hold my baby.

That day I resolved that he likely wasn't going to come early and that 2 more weeks of labor would be ok. Then I walked 4 miles just in case...

The next morning, I had a non stress test at the hospital. They rechecked me and said I was about a 2.5. WHAT. But by then I was OK with it and telling my back to just hang in there a few more days. My tests all came back just fine and after listening to the woman in the room next to me scream her baby into the world, I was OK with waiting a couple more weeks.

3 minutes after I walked in the door, my water broke.

And my head and self said, "score!" 

Water breaking= baby is coming right now!

I called Trevor and he started rushing home frantically from work. I told him I could just meet him at the hospital. He insisted on picking me up and I'm glad he did- 20 minutes later when he got home, I was trying to throw together the rest of my gear in between attempting to breathe through strong contractions.

On the way to the hospital, I almost passed out. I couldn't see or hear and I broke out in a sweat and got really suddenly nauseous. It was scary, but it passed. After kneeling in the grass in front of the hospital through another strong one, we made our way in and I was admitted! BABY DAY WAS HERE!

The next hour got a little crazy.

The contractions were so strong, but I didn't have my epidural yet.

Between contractions, the nurses were stabbing me with IV needles so I could get the epidural, but I was pretty dehydrated (probably from being so sick for so long) and they had a really hard time finding a vein. Don't worry- they only blew 3 before they got a good one. You better believe I have some pretty gnarly bruises.

While all this was happening, I almost passed out again and my blood pressure and Milo's heart rate dropped really low. They think he was on a cord that got blocked when I was lying on my back. There was no worse feeling than staring across the room at Trevor completely helpless while the nurse told me something was wrong and that a lot of people were about to come in the room. Thank goodness they were able to make it stop. Once I got on my side, everything was just fine!

I also got my epidural once I was on my side. I'm telling you- once I was numb, life was good. I have so much respect for anyone who has ever done a natural childbirth. I was numb and happy and dilating fast. I went from a 4 to a 10 in about an hour and a half.

The doctor came in a bit later and told me it was time to push! I pushed through about 4 contractions and they said Milo's heart rate was dropping too low and staying that way after each contractions, and that it was time to break out the forceps.

At this point, I actually felt really secure. The nurse assisting the doctor and the doctor himself seemed really calm and confident. Trevor said he didn't even use the forceps that long and that he used his hands to actually get Milo out. After 3 or 4 more contractions, I heard the best sound that has ever existed- my baby's first tiny yell.

I cried... Trevor cried... and I couldn't believe that little person came out of me. He was perfect and healthy and strong and here and mine.
Next up? Doctor ordered 2 hours of skin on skin. New momma heaven! Done and done.
 We stayed in the hospital for 2 days. The nurses were wonderful, the food was great (I CAN EAT AGAIN PEOPLE!!!), and we were thrilled to stare at our sweet baby all day every day.

One night, we let the nurses take him to monitor his breathing (it was a little uneven and labored the first day) and so that we could sleep a little. I think I ended up sleeping worse that night because I kept waking up hoping they were bringing my boy back to me. I never knew I could be so attached and love something so much.

 Stay tuned for my momma thoughts from the first few days. And for now, welcome to the world sweet Milo. We waited a long time for you and couldn't be happier you're finally here.

He's Here! He's Here!!!

World, meet Milo Karl Hansen:

Born Friday, March 15 at 9:10 p.m.

6 lbs, 3 oz, and 19 inches of perfection.

I'm completely in love.

More pictures on Facebook and Instagram (@daniellehansen)

Week 37: The Roller Coaster Commences

My baby thinks he's SO funny.

Since Monday, I've been having contractions every 2-5 minutes apart. Regularly. All day. Every day. Not exaggerating. And for the record, it's called labor for a reason. Ho-ly-tired. I've never been this exhausted in my life!

Now that it's so close and the idea that he's coming maybe today every day is in my head, I literally can't think about anything other than holding my baby. He is going to be so. Cute. !!!!! 

Monday, they sent me to the hospital. I was only dilated to a 2, so they told me to come back when I couldn't walk, talk, or breathe through contractions for 1.5-2 hours. They backed off after about 1 hour.

Thursday, I had my Doctor's appointment. Still contracting. Dilated to a 3.

This is what being in labor for a week looks like. Thank goodness for cotton.

Friday, I had my non stress test (baby still looks great!). Nurses said, wow, these are big contractions and they are really close. Doctor said, better see how far she is dilated. Any guesses? 3.

I've been spending every day walking as much as possible, trying to get these contractions to kick in harder. Awkward moment (ok, one of them) of the week: when I saw a lady take a picture of me waddling past where she was sitting at the indoor track. You know, since I didn't already feel ridiculous enough. But then again, I laugh every time I see my reflection these days because it's just so crazy that I am suddenly extremely large and pregnant (plus I walk like a penguin).

Saturday around 3 a.m., contractions got really hard and painful and started radiating through my back. Went to sleep hopeful that they would never go away. They lasted all day yesterday and into today (I love you, heating pad!). But, still not unbearable. Still walking, talking, and breathing (all I want is to not be able to breathe, is that so much to ask?). 

Meanwhile, I'm feeling very Ron Swanson, except for I don't want bacon and eggs.

Give me all of the pitocin you have.

Am I Crazy?

This is me:

This is Trevor:

My husband should be up for sainthood for dealing with hormonal, emotional, crazy, pregnant me!

Big Things

We definitely had a week of big things around here! I love it when things start to come together all at once. We've been living in a little bit of a limbo phase and waiting on lots of news before we were able to make any concrete plans. This week...

Trevor passed his Athletic Training Board Exam! It was a super hard, really long, $400 test that he was not feeling too confident about. He got his test results back on Tuesday and he's done! All those years of undergrad were officially not just for fun :). Now he can be a certified athletic trainer, which is great! I'm so proud!

We got a spot in the apartment complex we want to live at in San Angelo! It has a dishwasher! Closets! Covered parking! Washer and dryer hookups (and a drain that doesn't flow into a bucket)! 2 bedrooms and 2 full bathrooms! A disposal! Countertops! Cabinets in the kitchen! A pantry! A fridge that's inside the apartment! A covered deck! A pool! 1 story- nobody up or downstairs! A lake 2 football fields away (guess where Milo and I will be setting up camp under the trees all the time)! We are so relieved to be in. Before, we were just hoping and banking on a spot opening up... it's so nice to have it settled and know that we'll have a place to go that we love!

The other thing that's getting big is this baby boy! Holy cow. The doctor said his head is even lower this week, and I believe it. The waddle is out of hand, my back is killing me, and I'm exhausted all. the. time. Up until now, I've done really well keeping up with workouts. The last few days, I just can't do it anymore! I spend a lot of time on my feet (my nesting instinct is manifesting itself in an overwhelming desire to shop) and walking around, so I'm still getting in plenty of movement. But honestly, any time spent on my feet puts me into consistent contractions, so I think I'm OK with walking being the extent of my exercise for the next few weeks! 

It's finally MARCH! My due date is 24 days away and we are SO excited. My big fear is that I won't realize when I'm in true labor and that I'll wait too long (every time I get my non stress tests, the doctors are surprised that I'm not feeling my contractions- on the monitor, they show as strong as true labor contractions and are relatively regular and long). Luckily the hospital is only about a 15 minute drive away. I have started to have more that actually radiate through my back though, and make it a little hard to walk. So hopefully that will tip me off a little bit :). If labor is anything like the movies, I think it will probably be pretty hard to miss... right?! Plus, I don't see myself being one of those lucky girls that just pops the baby out. I've been crazy sick this whole pregnancy and am not anticipating the delivery part suddenly getting easy!

Today, I'm going to (finally) commit to a stroller and carseat and get my bag packed for the hospital. I keep waking up in the middle of the night and thinking 1. I hope I don't go into labor right now because I'm really tired and I just want to go back to sleep and 2. I have absolutely nothing ready if I WERE to go into labor right now.

This post is getting wordy, and I have no cool pictures, so I'm calling it good. But things are getting very exciting around the Hansen home these days!