*Disclaimer: this is a candid post is about weight and periods and breastfeeding and things like that. TMI again, as per usual on this blog. And I'm a little scared about it because it's a lot of personal details. So here you go- even more about me than you ever cared to know.*
My pregnancy was really hard. By the time I went into labor, I felt completely depleted in every way. Since I was so sick, any nutrients and energy I had in my body went straight to Milo.
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| A few days before Milo was born |
When I got pregnant, I weighed 107. I was running a lot and eating pretty well (I used running as a way to cope with the fact that I wasn't pregnant- which probably didn't help me get pregnant- not my best coping mechanism in retrospect). I find that when I'm exercising and eating decently, I can maintain about 105-110 without overworking, so this seems to be my healthy set point. I dropped about 10-15 lbs that first trimester because I could literally keep nothing down. It improved
some as the months went on, but minimally. When I checked into the hospital to deliver, I was 110. My arms an legs were all bones and I was dehydrated and weak. When I was in the depths of my pregnancy, I just took everything a day at a time. I was so indescribably tired and sick that I didn't have the mental capacity and energy to advocate for myself the way I should have. I was also just so happy to be pregnant that I knew I would and could handle whatever it took to get my baby here. I expressed concern every time I went to the doctor, and they told me that as long as I could handle it, I was ok and that some women are just this way when they're pregnant.
I'm spending time now educating myself about what I can do for my subsequent pregnancies to avoid having it take such a toll on my body, because at this point I realize that it's probably pretty unlikely that I'll have easy pregnancies in life (but a girl can dream!). I'm pretty sure I should have been on IV therapy a few times a week because I was so dehydrated, and that probably would have helped the residual constant nausea.
The point is, I was far from being in fantastic shape after delivery. I could
finally eat again and it was (is) glorious. I started gaining weight back pretty fast, as I had expected, but it hasn't quite stuck, and I'm going to chalk that up to breastfeeding and exercise. I love being able to feed Milo and have that mandatory cuddle time for hours every day. However, I want to be a good, healthy, strong, energetic mom. I also want to be able to have lots of babies.
So I'm starting a thing. A health thing. I don't want to quit breastfeeding, so here's what I'm doing instead.
First of all, I'm toning down on running. After years of 6 miles a day just because I could and I had the time, I'm done being an ocd workout fiend. I love running and I'll still jog daily since it's good for my sanity and my health, but less. And in moderation. And I'll even miss days and be ok with it! I think getting exercise helps me be a better mom, but too much is going to take away from my energy and time with my family, and that's not ok with me.
I'm also seeing this as a golden opportunity to start being a good wife and cooking for my husband! It's only taken me 3 and a half years to get here. Oh well. He's a good sport :). I'm going to take a good look at what we're eating and incorporate more healthy fats into my diet so that I can boost my energy and ability to be a good mom. If I want my periods to come back and regulate (takes a while when breastfeeding but I'm hoping they'll be back sooner than later), I'm going to need to put some effort into it.
Right now is about taking care of myself so I can take care of my family. As much as I hate to admit it, actively trying to put on weight goes against everything I feel as a woman. And I'll be the first to say I've always had a REALLY easy time putting on weight historically. I've spent many years of my life being the pudgy one. I had a hard time with it, so when I discovered about myself that I was, in fact, capable of exercise and eating healthy and not being the pudgy one, it became a hobby when I was first married (I had to do
something when Trevor studied!). Health is a big passion for me! But sometimes you just need to take a step back and look at the big picture of what health truly encompasses. I'll give you a hint: it's not all about fitting in old jeans, and for me- and I'm guessing lots of women- that's a hard one to internalize. I know I'm a little below were I should be right now and that Milo deserves a mom who is energetic and happy and healthy and able to give him brothers and sisters!!! I would rather be a kind of squishy, happy mommy of a big brood of kids than a bony, tired mom of less babies than want to be in my family. Also, if I'm going to survive another pregnancy, I now know I need to start out in a good place so I can get through it with a healthy babe.
So, here's to being fat, happy, and fertile!
And please, by all means, share your recipes! Being healthy and taking good care of my body should be a fun thing and I'm excited about learning more and getting better at it! I'd love your feedback and experiences on this one!
