1 More Month

Milo is only going to be 1 for one more month. I realized on Sunday that it was the month-away-from-2 mark and almost had a minor heart attack. Honestly though, I think I'm coping better with 2 than I did with 1. He acts like a 2 year old, talks like a 2 year old, plays like a 2 year old, and he hasn't really been a baby for quite a while. And I am really, really enjoying my big boy. As much as I miss the baby phase- oh I miss that baby phase- there is so much good about the toddler thing. So we're wrapping our heads around it and loving it all.

I keep finding Milo in various levels of nudity because he learned a new trick called taking off his clothes and diaper. I'm actually amazed it took him this long (and still in shock that he hasn't started climbing out of his crib yet (and now I've jinxed it)) so now I get to redo one of the top 3 most difficult tasks of the day over and over (right up there with getting in and out of the car).

He wakes up every morning asking for kickies (Kix) and nanas. At least he's decisive about breakfast. And then of course I pull out my cottage cheese and he wants that instead. And I'm all muahaha protein!

He wants to walk all by himself at the store. The only problem here is that he doesn't want to hold my hand, or stay close to me, or sit in the cart. So I'm somewhat at a loss, but I'm sure we'll figure something out eventually. Right now my solution is chocolate.

All things trains/cars/airplanes make this boy light up like you wouldn't believe. He sees big trucks in the parking lot and "vroom vrooms" at them, and when we were in Kansas and he got to ride in the truck, you would have thought it was Christmas.

He is the definition of all boy. Always dirty, always wanting to go outside, throwing, running, jumping... I wouldn't have the slightest idea what to do with a girl at this point.

He loves doing his nursery songs, dancing, and singing little songs. OH it melts my heart.

He's big enough to have feelings now, and every day is about making sure he knows I love him because even when he doesn't act like his feelings are hurt, I know he needs to feel secure and safe and loved. I went in and looked at him last night and just hoped and prayed that he knows how much he's loved. One thing I do love about the toddler thing is that he can love me and be my buddy back, which is pretty fulfilling after him not being able to respond much when he was tiny.

As unfairly fast as the transition from baby to toddler went, I'm trying everything I can to just focus on my big boy, right now. I'll never get those days back, and I'll never get these days back. The best we can do is love them all, which he makes pretty easy. Never could have known how full this boy would make my heart.

Coming Home

I always like going on vacation, but if I'm being completely honest, I kind of love the coming home part just the tiniest bit more. Milo and I got back in town Saturday night, spent all day Sunday in a whirlwind of recovery, and today has been magical. Back to our regular routine, which beginning about 23 months ago became the only way I can function (and- 23 MONTHS?! Oh my. Make that boy slow down). I ran, we played, he napped, I cleaned, we worked, we shopped, we bathed, and it was so good to be back to it. I'm glad I like my life enough to be excited to get back to the normal. Goodness knows I needed that break, and I loved every second of that week off. I slept in every day, napped with Milo every afternoon, and we hid inside from the cold and watched the beginning race scene of cars way too many times.

The miracle of the world was that nobody sat by us on any of our 4 flights. I don't really think you can ask for a better flying experience than that. Right? Amazing.

A few things:
Milo is terrible at saying Airplane. He says "Amie!" But he loves the things.
He calls cars "mooom moooms" and makes car noises at every big truck he sees. Semi trucks are choo choos.
He loves books.
He likes to pull on me and say, "mon!" (come on) and it basically melts your heart. We play follow a lot.
When he gets in the car, he says "church?" So thankfully that hopefully means he's warming up to nursery?
He loves to dance. He brings me my phone and says "dance?" all the time so I'll turn on music.
He loves to help me cook. It's really easy to cook with an almost 2 year old ;)
Still naps like a champ. YES.
He loves corn dogs. Does it make me a failure of a mother if I feed my child corn dogs? Whatever. He eats bananas and cheese too so we're totally good.
He loves to jump and spin.
He circles his little arms so we will sing "do as I'm doing" and then he goes really fast, and really slow with shifty side eyes. I cannot contain myself when he does it. Hilarious. He also loves head shoulders knees and toes and he mostly just does squats the whole time.

Please can I never ever forget a thing?! Except for the screaming phase. I don't mind if I forget that one.

Having a Ball

(By some miracle nobody was next to us on either flight. God loves me.)

Milo and I got to my parents' house in Kansas on Saturday afternoon, and let me tell you that I am taking full advantage of a completely lazy week away from it all. I've slept in every day, taken a nap with Milo every afternoon, done absolutely zero work, and haven't run once. It's been so, so long since I just took a whole week off from everything, and I think it's just what I needed! We have been going nonstop for months- maybe even years-, and it's nice to have some days with just me and my boy and no agenda besides playing trains, watching Cars, and visiting friends. 

So here's to you, my full week off. I will soak every second of you in until we hit the ground running again next week!

Let Them Be Little

Sometimes I feel like busy days are unfair for toddlers. Yes, we need to get things done. That is life. But some days we need to get too much done, and he has no other option than to join me. Today I had to cart Milo around to 4 showings, then to Target, then to the office so I could scan files, then home for lunch and naps, and right after that, errands for a lady I assist, back home, and more showings (Trevor was home by then thankfully! I was laying on the floor starving right before I left home so I can't imagine how Milo would have handled the situation!).

Some days we play at home for hours on end, driving cars and playing outside, and other days we spend all day driving around town, getting in and out of the car (in my opinion the most difficult thing about motherhood- dang carseat buckles). It's hard to find a balance between crossing things off the checklist and having pajama and hot wheels days.

I can always tell when we've done too much or I'm trying to cram too many things into one day. Milo generally does pretty ok on errands. As well as can be expected from a crazy almost 2-year-old. But when I push the limits, he is really over it, really fast.

Today was just one of those days that work came up just about all day, and during our (unexpected) trip to the store in the afternoon, I paid for it. Milo was jumping in and out of the car cart (which didn't have a belt and gosh dangit he had already seen them so I couldn't very well use a normal cart), trying to climb onto the floor WHILE I was pushing the cart, yelling, putting his fingers on the conveyor belt, running away... he just was so not in the mood to run errands. Meanwhile, what was supposed to be a quick stop at the store to pick up some prescriptions and Kleenex turned into essentially a wrestling match that left me dripping in sweat as I carried my (shoeless) toddler out of the store with one arm under his arms around his chest and the rest of him squirming to escape. It was intense.

And it's nightmare trips like this that remind me that yes. Usually my little boy is pretty good in public, all things considered. And usually when he has a rough time like this, it's because I'm pushing the boundaries. And then I feel rotten for making him do too much. As much as I think it's important that he knows how to handle himself and understands that the nature of real life is that we have to get things done some days, I need to remember that he's not even 2 and lives for playing cars. I've found that when we keep things good and balanced, with plenty of play time and intermittent errands, we work together at a pretty good hum.

I can tell you this though. There's nobody I'd rather be lugging in and out of a carseat all over town than this sweet boy.

Hola!

Last week, thanks in great part to the cocktail of hormones pulsing through my body, I had a terr-I-ble week of eating. Usually I do pretty well, get in all my fruits and veggies, and listen to my appetite. But last week all healthy cravings were replaced completely with carbs and chocolate- and I listened. And what's worse is that I could feel it all week. My workouts and energy levels were awful! Needless to say, I woke up this morning feeling sick and in need of a reset. 

The weather this week is looking amazing (at least until Thursday) so Milo and I have some big plans at the park including throwing rocks off the slide and spider swinging. Trevor starts back at school tomorrow so it will be just the two of us again. It's been so fun having him home- but also- he's been studying the whole time. Can we just be done with school?!

In 2 weeks Milo and I are venturing up to Kansas for a week. It's always so good to get HOME!

Milo lately:

Everything is "stuck"

Loud airplane noises ALL through church

Likes to snuggle and watch Diego after naps

Takes his lion and blanky with him everywhere

Eats Kix and a banana for breakfast every day 

Loves peanut butter and honey sandwiches

Putting words together like a champ. Daddy go? Ball outside? Lion night night? It's so fun hearing how he gets his sweet ideas across. 

Hope your Monday is everything good!

The Trouble With Girls

Have you ever had one of those moments when someone you absolutely adore tells you something wonderful in the sweetest, most kind way, and it feels like a punch in the gut?

Let me elaborate.

It's like when someone loses weight and looks amazing, or tells me they're pregnant. I'm so happy for them. Truly. And it baffles me how I can feel like the wind is being knocked out of me because something so good happening for them.

It's so confusing, right? Why does this happen? Why do I take other peoples' successes personally? Suddenly, they have this thing that I want so badly for myself happening for them, and maybe they didn't even try for it- or maybe they did-, and it just grinds on me in a way that it shouldn't.

Jealousy isn't an attractive thing, or a sweet thing, or a trait I want to have. And as comparison has been one of my greatest character flaws, it's only natural to have jealousy tagging along. But I would never actually admit to anyone that I felt this way (and all of a sudden this blog post is becoming extremely ironic and I'm questioning whether I'll even post it). Oh, no! I should definitely stifle the fact that I have any type of negative feelings where they are completely unwarranted, because a good friend and a sweet person does not ever have a hard time accepting that someone else is making what I had hoped for their reality. Right??

And then it goes back to that whole thing about opening my eyes and looking at all the amazing, huge blessings right in front of me. They are not lost on me, I assure you. This isn't a disclaimer, it's a truth I look in the face all day, every day (and its name is Milo/Trevor). I have an incredibly happy life and all the love I could ever ask for- and all this makes me feel all the more rotten for being envious.

I absolutely LOVE this talk by the always wise Jeffrey R. Holland:

There are going to be times in our lives when someone else gets an unexpected blessing or receives some special recognition. May I plead with us not to be hurt—and certainly not to feel envious—when good fortune comes to another person? We are not diminished when someone else is added upon. We are not in a race against each other to see who is the wealthiest or the most talented or the most beautiful or even the most blessed. The race we are really in is the race against sin, and surely envy is one of the most universal of those.

Furthermore, envy is a mistake that just keeps on giving. Obviously we suffer a little when some misfortune befalls us, but envy requires us to suffer all good fortune that befalls everyone we know! What a bright prospect that is—downing another quart of pickle juice every time anyone around you has a happy moment! To say nothing of the chagrin in the end, when we find that God really is both just and merciful, giving to all who stand with Him “all that he hath,”² as the scripture says. So lesson number one from the Lord’s vineyard: coveting, pouting, or tearing others down does not elevate your standing, nor does demeaning someone else improve your self-image. So be kind, and be grateful that God is kind. It is a happy way to live.

And there it is. Makes so much sense in the correct light, doesn't it? And I would be heartbroken if my friends stopped sharing their happy news with me, because it brings me so much joy to see all the good happening for others and sharing in the love.

So there's my two cents on the matter. Here's to doing a little better each time I'm tempted by envy.

Truth

I'm having one of those weeks where I'm constantly hungry. It's awesome, not.

It's cold which makes me want to be a total recluse, and I'm pretty good at it. Had to make an emergency store run last night for some milk and diapers because I haven't been able to talk myself into a grocery trip all week (disclaimer: it is 20 minutes away and other disclaimer: I have an almost 2 year old who enjoys outings about 20% of the time).

I'm a grandma. I go to bed so early these days. Not sorry.

I have the best husband in the whole world. Sorry girls. Yesterday was a weird day and he cheered me up like a champ. So glad I get to do life with him.

Milo and I are going home to Kansas in 20 days! (Just got informed of how many days by our favorite Uncle Russ back home)

We have been movie watching fiends lately. Trevor goes back to school in 10 days so we are soaking in the rest of our time. Someday when we're not doing the student thing it's going to be really fun to have a life with my husband.

We've been in our jams basically all week, minus the few hours a day we've been out. I'm ok with it.

Milo's bedhead is unreal.

We have officially been married 5 years. Best choice I've ever made.

I have a love/hate relationship with winter. I love being warm and cozy. I hate being cold. I love not being hot. I hate the freezing car. I love dressing in layers. I hate the amount of time it takes to put them all on and take them all off. It's really pretty confusing.

I love you all. Happy happy Sunday to you :)

The Facts

So much to catch up on here on this little journal of mine, so we're gonna keep today's good and sloppy.

On Thanksgiving I ran a 10K in 39:24. It was awesome.

Milo's latest new things:
"I'm stuck!"
"Be do be, do be do"
Bubbles ("bubbos? Pease?")
Cars, airplanes, motorcycles
Baths ("Back?")
Dancing (think Charlie Brown)
Still not wanting to give up the bottle (and I'm still having a hard time caring to make him)

Trevor is on break from school and it's so fun having him around. I thought we would be so much less busy and hang out a ton. Wrong. We have both been slammed! Ah, well. This is the season of life we're in now!

We saw Unbroken. I haven't been able to get it out of my head since. Now I'm reading the book and it's incredible.

Winter in Texas is so cozy and warm. Except for when it's cold. 

We spent Christmas in Las Vegas and it was fantastic. The highlight was hanging out with all my siblings I've married into (and the ones that are ALMOST married in). I love my family.

The 2 hour drive home from the airport took 7. #ice Milo was thrilled. 

Trevor is half done with school. Someday we won't be students anymore. Crazy right?

Speaking of- I miss college. BYU was the best. 

Milo is almost 22 months old. 

Among my top 5 least favorite things is the initial cold blast of air before the heater is working in the car.

We aren't usually as busy as we have been lately, but I am wiped out! Every night I am ready to pass out by 10. but then I stay up reading way too late. It's a vicious cycle. However- I have discovered the joys of reading on a kindle. No bright backlight, and no pages to get jumbled while I read on my side in bed. It's a win. 

Insurance is annoying. Ah. the joys of being an adult.

That's all I've got for today. I promise I have more exciting things coming! Hope your new year has been fabulous thus far!

2015: Living Life on Purpose

2014 has been quite the ride, and I feel like I've done a lot of treading water and barely keeping my head on the surface trying to keep up with it all. I've grown and learned a lot- emotionally, spiritually, physically, and as a wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend. I'm thankful for all the crazy and everything I can (and still am) learning from it. If I had to categorize this year's lessons into a word, I think it would be serenity. Learning to come to peace with what life brings and enjoy it along the way is one of the most difficult, important things to master, and I'm just scratching the surface. Thankfully a new year doesn't mean I'm done- just a good time to refocus.

With serenity in the front of my mind, next year my theme will be living life simply, moderately, and on purpose. Of course the obstacles will always be there- that's life. But I want to learn to navigate them with equipped with a little more clarity and direction. Too often, I think about my time, resources, energy, health, priorities, and spirit and feel like I'm missing something or not using them wisely. So here's what I want to practice:

Time: I only have so many minutes in a day. Instead of trying to cram as many things into them as possible, I want to make sure to fill each minute with quality. I want to serve others. When I have spare time, I can use it to help people who don't (one of the greatest luxuries of being a stay at home mom). If I'm playing with Milo, I want all of my attention right there with him and really play. When I have a few minutes to myself, I want them to be used productively (let it be known that power naps are productive :)). When Trevor and I have time together, I want us to talk and use that time, because sometimes those moments get few and far between with all the craziness. I can use my time to beautify my home, or develop some wifely skills that still seem to have escaped me (cooking).

Resources: We don't have a lot of money, but I'm young and energetic and capable. I do not want a cluttered home or mind or anything else. Living in a small apartment, it's easy for it to feel crammed. I want to work on saving money, being more frugal, and decluttering my home. I want to use my resources (energy, time) to help people who need it.

Intellectual: Read more! I miss reading and I love to do it, but haven't in a long time. I want to keep learning new things and growing and developing as a person. I love to learn and I want to nurture that.

Emotional: I've been working on focusing on what I have and what's perfect and wonderful about my life instead of what's hard and painful, and I still have a ways to go. Along with this, I can't compare myself to every perfectly talented and beautiful wife and mother I ever run across (who just so happens to have 4 kids under 4). Everyone's life is hard in some way or another. Everyone has challenges that aren't mine. The best thing I can do for my own emotions is to count my blessings and not dwell on the hard things.

Health: My health has improved leaps and bounds from where I was last year. Overcoming an eating disorder is hard work, and that has taken a lot of my energy this year. Now that I'm in a more stable place, I know I need to keep that at the front of my mind while continuing to improve. More fruits and veggies and real foods from the earth. Less processed carbs and junk. More cooking and developing a repertoire of healthy meals. And continue having a good routine of exercise while working on inspiring my family to reach for healthy things first and exercise regularly. Go to bed early. Get up early.

Spiritual: Read scriptures with a purpose. Pray. Keep my mind clear of clutter and fill it with purpose.   Meditate. Discuss spiritual things with Trevor. Remember always that God loves me and I'm his daughter. Keep the faith. Have inner peace.

Moderation: in all things, always. See also: serenity.

I feel good about this year. I have a lot to do and so many things to work on, but I think I'm starting from a good, sturdy place. I know that the more I work on myself, the more my family will benefit. And I'm always thankful for a fresh start. I'm ready for you, 2015!

Scary Thursday

1. Please bless that Milo will be happy today. I can hear him talking in his crib. He's not yelling. This is a good sign. Also, it's 8:45 which is fantastic because he slept in for a full hour. Is it normal to be a little bit afraid of your toddler sometimes?

Yesterday was soo fun. 

2. Trevor has a super intense final today. I may not be the student in this relationship, but we all feel the stress and pressure of school. If all goes well, we're staring at 5 weeks of having Trevor all to ourselves, and I can hardly wait.

I'm such a good study buddy.

3. Yesterday I drove through a herd (pack? Fleet?) of wild turkeys and deer. And I'm also almost positive I saw an alpaca. Who knew West Texas was so exotic?

4. Oh, and for funsies, let's throw in surgery next Thursday. Eeek. But if being put to sleep this time is anything like when I had my wisdom teeth out... that was kind of fun. Silver lining!

So much anxiety happening this morning! Milo and I should probably go shopping. Trevor: just kidding don't worry. I don't even like shopping.

Fighting the Lazy Days

                   

Do you ever have those weeks where you feel like you're just worn out all day, every day? Last week was one of those for me. Waking up was torture, focusing was near impossible, and naps were inevitable. I blame the fact that I've been staying up way too late trying to be a supportive wife for my husband in the midst of finals (I can't sleep without him there. I guess this is what 5 years of marriage has done to us ;)). Needless to say, my to-do list has been growing, my apartment needed cleaning (thank goodness for the weekend- and side note- somehow on Saturday night I got all the laundry folded while Milo was awake. I mean what?? I promise it was a fluke). This week I'm bound and determined to get back on top of my game.

When I'm having low motivation, high demand days, I've found a few things that work for me.

1- Get back into my routine. Staying up late does not work out when you're up before the sun!

2- Don't eat within 2-3 hours of bed. This is a new one I'm working on, because I'm a notorious late night snacker. But I sleep so much better when I go to bed a few hours after dinner and don't have a pre-bed blood sugar spike.

3- Get in a good workout. You all know I'm a big believer in some endorphins, and I stand by it.

4- Pay attention to what I'm eating. When I eat too many carbs, I get a headache. When I don't eat enough protein, I get tired and hungry.

5- Keep the apartment tidy. Nothing makes me less focused than clutter, and last week was bad. Now I'm not saying that my apartment is pristine by any means, but Trevor fixed the vacuum and I organized some cluttered corners, so I'm feeling much more put together now.

6- Y'all know I'm a believer of naps. I would say probably 70% of the time, I take at least a short power nap while Milo sleeps. It makes all the difference in the world and is just the pick me up I need midday.

7- Make lists. I'm an avid list keeper. I have 3 separate lists in my phone that I can check off as I finish things, and a bunch of other lists saved as notes with things like groceries, wish lists, showings, invoices, and a myriad of ideas. I also almost always add a thing or two at night before bed, because we all know that as soon as my head hits the pillow, it's time for my brain to wake up and think about all my ideas and everything I need to remember!

8- Take time out. Milo does not do well when I'm trying to get too much done in a day. We play, a lot. He has spurts of playing well on his own where I can sneak in a few emails, but he's my number one, and since I have to drag him along on all my errands, it's important for him to know I care about what he wants to do too. And let's be real. I'd rather be playing at the park than preparing presentations or cleaning the apartment any day!

Take care of yourself this busy season! Stay healthy and alert and it will be so much better! XO

Remembering

I'm so glad I keep this journal of me and my boy conquering the world. Sometimes I think back to months of Milo's life and the details of what we did every day are fuzzy, but I remember with complete clarity how it felt. This time last year, I remember that he was starting to try taking his first steps, but barely. He was climbing on everything and I put him in his Christmas jams every chance I got. He liked to crawl under the Christmas tree and get stuck behind the treadmill. I was still nursing him and clinging on to every second of the time I had with him in my arms. He still wasn't sleeping through the night. He loved (still loves) to laugh, especially at his daddy. There's something perfect about the goofy relationship between those two.

And now we have this year. And I don't want to forget any of it.
Every morning when I get Milo out of bed, he says "uh-oh" until we reach back in and grab his lion and his blanket. He always wants to cuddle for a few minutes right out of bed (and I always want to cuddle for longer). He gets out his cars, then his blocks, then his train track, then his ABC puzzle. His favorite book is the one with cars and trains and airplanes. He loves having his milk in the morning, and he will stand at the fridge and say "mama" until I get it for him. He says please and thank you. He always wants to go outside, even when it's freezing. He grabs his shoes ("gshhhh") and has me put them on (I can always get free kisses when I'm putting his shoes on, because that's when he likes me most), and then stands at the door and says "ou-ide?". He loves to help me take out the trash and get the mail. He's the worst at eating, still. He likes cheese, wheat thins, chicken, cottage cheese, and bananas the best, but above all, milk.

He finally will hold my hand, but spends more time trying to get away than walking with me happily. He loves doing butt busters on solid ground. It's the funniest thing. He squeals when he's excited. He says "see ya" and "bye bye" to all the cars, and to anyone who's leaving. He says "daddy?" whenever he hears a car pull up. He gives good kisses, unless I've reached my kiss quota for the day. Then he smacks me in the head when I try. He loves when I stand behind him and sneak attack pull him in to me. Then he gets up, stands in front of me (facing away), and waits for me to do it again. He loves being thrown in the air. He will stand in front of me and say "one? two?" until I pick him up and throw him (repeat, repeat, repeat). I love the way he says, "there he is!" (which sounds like "ee-eesh") regardless of whether we are playing peek a boo or he finds a cracker in his carseat. He loves the bath. He helps pick up his toys at the end of the day. We start with the roads, then the legos, then the blocks, then the dinosaurs. He's such a good helper!

He finally loves reading stories. He will go grab one and stand at my legs until we read it. I am always game for story time! He is so silly. He likes to giggle at people. When he's praying, he peeks and laughs at everyone. He just can't hold it all in, and I love it. He makes loud car noises all through church. Nursery is hit and miss, but he does ok. I don't love leaving him, but I know it's good for him. I love how he gets shy in front of strangers. He has this sly little smile that he does when he's trying not to. When he dances, he does the Charlie Brown dance. You know the one. I didn't teach him that. It's all him. He loves carrying around his lion everywhere he goes. He throws things, and spins, and laughs, and jumps. He says, "oh wow!" like it's his job about anything exciting. He laughs when he pees in the bathtub. So do I. Can't help it.

He loves looking out the window, exploring, and playing. He's curious about the world and has to climb everything, push every button, check everything out. He likes me close and I like him close. He's cheerful and we can read each other like books thanks to the countless hours we spend together. He brings me more joy than I ever thought life could give. This boy of mine is just that- ALL boy. I wouldn't have it any other way. And then there's nights like last night (more often than not) that I look at him sleeping and I get overwhelmed by how much I love my munch. Watching him so perfect and cute and unique and special in his little santa jams. My heart just explodes, all the time. Being a boy mom is all it's cracked up to be. There's so much love here.

Baby Update

Yup- still working on this one. No- no good news. This month (after 7 months of hardcore treatment and 2 of clomid, following a year of just trying the normal way) we took a break from the drug part of the whole thing and just went au natural (and, not pregnant, as per usual). It's getting expensive and emotionally/physically taxing, and a break was the right thing while we reevaluate and figure out the next steps.

I went in to the doctor last week and he said that it's time for IVF, which is so not an option right now. My insurance doesn't cover it at all, and the whole process rings up to about $15,000-20,000 according to my research. Next best thing is surgery to look for endometriosis. Even though I don't have the symptoms, my doctor said that in cases of unexplained infertility like mine- where there are no definitive problems besides the fact that we still aren't pregnant- it's common to find endometriosis. When they do the surgery, if they do see scar tissue, they will be able to get it out of there and give us a better chance for the next month. He said after surgery, we can either try naturally because I'll (hopefully) be at my most fertile ever, or we could do the whole shebang again. And I said I want to hit it with all we've got, so it will be back to the medication and lots and lots of hoping and prayers.

Taking a break is... meh. I feel like I'm wasting time, even though we are still trying like "normal" people. Some days are a relief. It's nice to step back, have my hormones more in check, and be able to be rational about the whole thing while we make decisions. And the other half of the time, my heart is anxious and racing because time is passing so quickly. Milo's second birthday is basically staring me in the face, and I was going to be pregnant by Christmas, and Thanksgiving, and my birthday in June, and for that matter, Milo's birthday in March and Christmas of last year. But that kind of thinking never gets me anywhere good, and I have to just put it away. The hardest thing for me about this whole thing is trying to put that piece of my heart in the back, because when I think and hope and love as hard as I do, it hurts more than I can really explain. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe, I'm longing for another baby so badly.

Being a mom is everything to me. I want these days to last forever. And there's nothing I want more than to give my favorite little person a baby brother or sister (or 5 of each, please). But in the meantime, being the mom to one doesn't make me any less of a mother. And if I only get one, Milo is exactly the one I want, and I'm going to be the best mother to this sweet boy that I possibly can. I squeeze my little munch so, so tight and am completely in awe of the miracle baby that he is. The silver lining to all of this is really, really soaking up every second as a little family of 3. Milo gets all of my attention and our days together are heaven. These memories will mean everything to me forever. He's my whole world, if you didn't already know :). Now if only I could figure out a way to stop time and rewind sometimes so I could relive it all over and over.

So, that's the scoop. Still trying, and I'll be trying indefinitely until it happens again- and deep in there somewhere, I really think it will.

Just A Lot of Things

I don't think I have it in me to write any eloquent paragraphs (who am I kidding, I'm not eloquent). So here are some bullet points about the last few days, eh?




- Suddenly getting up at 6 a.m. was SO hard the last 3 days. May have something to do with the fact that I keep staying up way too late. Maybe this morning's rude awakening will be enough to help me get it under control tonight?

- Our car broke down. Again. It likes to do that as soon as the cold weather hits. But thank goodness, $500 and 2 days of fun ride coordinating later, we are back in business!

- My apartment is looking at me right now... with that clean me face on. That's the other reason this post is short and sweet. Or maybe it will turn out long because I'm procrastinating?

- Milo learned how to give kisses. Finally. We have been working on that for maybe... forever.

- Friday night Milo was wheezing, so I took him to urgent care. Strep. Antibiotics. Nebulizer. Much better now!

- It's almost Thanksgiving and Christmas and I am dying with joy. My whole family (minus brother in Brazil) for Thanksgiving. My other whole family aka Trevor's family for Christmas. YAY YAY YAY!!!!

- This morning I went to Target and they were unloading boxes on every aisle I needed to go down. Most irritating trip to Target ever and also Milo was SO not having it.

- I confess that I fed him pieces of a Hershey's bar to keep him content. Yes. I do feel guilty about it.

- It's cold.

- I decorated for Christmas on November 11th this year. This is a record for me.

- Trevor is 27! I feel like we are approaching to the ages of shame. Well he's there. I'm basically there. But 24 is still pretty much 20 right?

- I'm going through a phase of sweet potatoes and brussels sprouts. Could be worse, know what I mean?

- I opened an Etsy shop for my weavings. I only have one posted so far, but get ready cause this is exciting stuff. More on that later.
XOXOXO and HAPPY Wednesday!

Toddler Life

If you're wondering why 80% of my posts are about toddler things, it's because I do toddlery things all the day long. Who knew one tiny little person would storm in and rule the Hansen home! I've said it before, but every time I feel like we've got a good groove down, he up and grows on me and learns 5000 new things while I try to keep up. Favorite little person mannerisms as of lately:

Everything is SO exciting when you're one. I will never get sick of hearing him say, "Oh wow!"

When I'm holding his hand and he goes limp so I drag him

The fact that he wants me to sit on the floor with him and play anytime we are home

Every wall, piece of furniture, window sill, leg, etc. is a road for his cars

When he knows the appropriate answers for things (and when he says "yeeeah" after I ask him if he wants to go night night and I know he means it)

The way he shakes and nods his head at the right time

He says thank you!

I'm learning very quickly that if I don't want something broken, I have to keep it out of reach. Destructo boy is fast and strong!

Christmas tree ornaments = toys. But I can't blame him. Most of mine are inherited from my parents and are cars.

We seriously need to work on volume control. How the heck do you teach a 1 year old what yelling is?

Grocery carts are getting difficult. He wants to run. Problem is that he won't stay by me!

He loves going bye bye

He loves puzzles, building things, and cars.

He gets shy around people he doesn't know and he tries so hard not to smile. His bashful face could kill me!

He is all boy. Sticks and dirt could keep him content for a lifetime. Another testament as to why toys are often unnecessary. Except for cars. Cars are necessary.

I'm seriously amazed at how many things he understands. I can basically ask him to get anything (Milo, can you get your shoes? Milo, can you climb in your carseat?) and he knows! And he does it! I know it sounds really elementary, but it's a big change from him not being able to do or understand any of those things. I think sometimes we don't give kids enough credit for how sharp they are!

Feeling Lucky and Weekend Ramblings

Watching the big kids play at the park

Happy Monday! I'm slowly starting to recover from the sugar rush that was this weekend. As a stay at home mom, administrative Realtor, marketing specialist, and personal assistant, my weekends are often more busy than the week days because some of the hours Trevor is home (which are few and far between- we are seriously like 2 ships passing in the night sometimes) I'm able to be out and about playing catch up.

This weekend, that meant lots... And lots... And lots of showings. Cue driving, gps, appointments, and rescheduling those appointments while you wait for clients who forgot to calculate for a time change and you've got yourself a full day. Usually Milo goes with me, but now and then I'll get a marathon of showings on a day that Trevor is home, which was the case this weekend. 

Ever since I started being a licensed assistant rather than an agent on my own, I love my job. It keeps Milo and me busy and together. And seriously, can you think of many jobs as fun as driving around helping people find their dream home and taking pictures of houses?  I feel SO blessed that this has all worked out the way it has. I know I'll miss it when we leave here, and I'll look back on these days conquering the real estate world with milo and have really great memories. 

Our other gig is helping out an extremely busy friend of mine with some personal errands. A few times a week, we go drop off and pick up dry cleaning, pick up prescriptions, go grocery shopping, make target runs... Whatever she needs. It's kind of perfect because it gets Milo and me out of the house and we can go do something we get paid for. Plus I love this friend and I'm glad we can do something to help her out! I'm all about mutually beneficial business arrangements!

Even though I had to show an abandoned slaughterhouse this weekend (ew ew ew I am officially still a vegetarian and will remain so forever), I'm feeling so lucky and blessed to have the work I do. It's kind of a miracle the way it's all worked out and doesn't take me away from Milo. After the summer of trying the agent thing and being sick to my stomach about it, I'm totally seeing now that it was worth it to go through school, I know I'm much better at admin/marketing than sales, and that this is how it was meant to work out. God knows what he's doing you know?

Xoxoxo