Decisions, Decisions

Short version in case you missed it: Last spring, we carefully weighed the options, prayed a lot, and made the decision that I would get my real estate license and hopefully be able to make more income while still being full time mommy. Over the beginning of summer, I studied and did all my classes online during nap time and at night. Got my license in the very beginning of July, and then have had nothing but rustling leaves ever since. Showings here and there, but otherwise, radio silence.

It was starting to make me a little sick, knowing that we had invested all this time and money into something that felt like the right decision at the time but just wasn't happening. I (naively) hoped that the full time Realtor thing would kind of fall into place, and all the stars would align and I would magically have clients. Not the case (as everyone warned- go figure). It started to become evident that if I really wanted this to work out, I was going to have to give up time with Milo to attend trainings 4-5 times a week, call complete strangers and beg for business all the time, invest even more money into my business, and hope that eventually something would come of it. After some not-so-difficult soul searching, I knew this wasn't what I wanted. At all.

So this week, my partner/mentor/teacher proposed that I be his licensed assistant. I've been doing administrative work for him for over a year, and I love it. It's clear cut, creative, flexible, and there is virtually nothing I can't do with Milo, in the evenings when Trevor is home, or when Milo is sleeping. Now that I have my license, I'm able to do even more tasks than I could before, thus yielding me more hours and him more business. As soon as he explained this option to me, I literally felt the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders. I could breathe again! The pit in my stomach disappeared in a second and I knew so easily that this was the right move. This is what an answer to prayer feels like. I'm so glad to be working with someone who supports my decision to be with my family and doesn't make me feel like I have to defend it constantly, because I just don't feel like I should need to.

Yesterday we made it official, and I slept better the last 2 nights than I have in a couple of months. Being first and foremost a stay-at-home mom is a decision that I have never once questioned. The thought of considering another option makes my heart start breaking. I brought my baby into this world very much by choice, and I worked hard to get him here! He is my world. I would so much rather look back on these student years and know that we were just barely scraping by but we were attached at the hip, than to remember them as the days I gave up my sweet time with my one little Milo. Being a stay at home mom may not be the popular decision for families, but it is without a doubt the right decision for mine. I don't feel undervalued, and I don't feel like I'm giving anything up, quitting, or failing. If anything, I feel like I'm gaining my life and my peace back. I feel so incredibly blessed to have found work that allows me to do that, because the other side of this coin is that me not bringing in any income isn't an option for us right now either. I've worked really hard to make this happen, and I'm so, so thankful that after all the wondering and hoping and trying to figure things out that I'm seeing that becoming licensed was worth it, and that it is all working out.